DearOldBlogspot

Theres No Excuse For Imperfection

Anyone who bothered to follow me on here, Im on Xanga these days.
http://inkedupragdoll.xanga.com

PillFace

For She Is A Chunky Bittch & Knows All The Recipes For Pie

Dads going to Sydney For A Medical Scan thing tonight, well Tomorow. Night train. Thinks somethings bads happening to him..Hasnt eaten for the past 24 hours. Not even the cake i made to feed them. :( Got to be empty stomached so they can see whats not perfect. 

I should be empty stomached. :(

I Dont Know What Right Or Whats Real Anymore.

Ah. I Want To Write&Write, But I Cant Find Words To Do So With. I Think I Shall Just Leave Now. Drink A Bucket Of Water. & Perhaps Come Back To Stare At A Screen Again Later. Ah. =/

LittleCutOutPaperDoll

Clings to the thought of another soul in her arms.

Things change so suddenly, why this time wonder. pity shadowing a poor little box full of selfneglect&lowimage? little miss charity case sleeping in a tinderbox, meaning added through a little help here & there, shoved onto a seperate road according to voices tumbling in a head, rampaging with self importance? higher pedestal dreams perhaps?, or grabbing from the past to puzzle together a future like each individual piece, all jagged edges with the possibility of a hopeful image in the ending. Or just fate? 

Not sure what i beleive, or what i want to beleive. Do I Even Beleive? I Think So...

YellowHouse

I want to lay in the yellow house surrounded by the murmerings&eccentricities of artists, musicians, writers.
All Freaks Are Welcome.
that art lesson made me so happy, dreaming of making our own little yellow house.
stepping through a hole in the wall to our world.
Oh So Happy. Oh So Perfect.
lying on harleys in phsycadelic rooms, flashing lights, bombhit studios or seemingly so. everything inspiring, bouncing off the walls. Such a place calls me. this is how things look in my dream world.

I Feel So Sick.
Am Just having oats for dinner. Mum says i still have to eat.
I Have A Headache.
Ohtired Girl.
Dinners being called.
OhLord. Sigh.

Yellow House, Dear Yellow House.

YellowPills

These Pictures Made My Day.

I Wonder Why They Stare&bagg When They See The Real Thing But If It Was A Magazine Theyd Go ooh & Exchange Chinks Of Metal.

Kempsey. Town Of Sad Cases.

Hi My Names ImogenEllen Harris- Appleton & Welcome To My World.

Laying in multicoloured mess which i wear sleep & die on.

Feeding on everything in sight, staring into waterways.

Window shopping online & being broke.

Working weekends, sleep deprived school life.

Best girls ever in my life.

How did i ever get so lucky?

Sitting On my floor again. mum&dad are probley lying awake waiting for me to turn my light off, its still strange being down this end of the house. Strange Strange. i really miss my sister tonight. myfmyfmyf.

just realised reading through blogs tonight that georgina had a xanga, cant find it but thats probley for obvious reasons. i never go on mine anymore. perhaps i should..Hm.

Corlaay Says things should be harder for us because were younger. I dont think thats a viable excuse. Theres a reason why we are here, if we wernt good enough we wouldnt be.  Ill walk out before i cry for you, as special a man as you may be. Things Are Hard yes, But Things Are Still Hard When Your 80.

Theres only One Life. This One. No After Life For Me, When Im Gone, Im Gone. Finished.FullStop. Forgotten.

Time Ticks On.

Sure Black Makes Me Look Thinner, But I Think Tonight I'll keep the colour, im not ready for full black tonight.

Not tonight.

Oh Its Funny How Quickly The World Spins & We Change.

Everyones growing up, growing old & quite frankly Im Scared.

Forever Young, I want To be Forever Young.

RedLipped RedHaired Red Nailed Whore

Some boy told me earlier

'Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy: theyre the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

How can someone be so lucky, so happy & still think the things that run through my mind?
How could someone ever be so ungrateful.
But that works both ways you look at it.
Theyre talking of moving again, he always does, but he never leaves..usually because i kick up a fuss, saying how im attatched here, i cant go, school, friends, work.
But there was a few months inbetween, i would have packed left & never turned back for a second glance, so why didnt i?
Im not sure.
But when he started again today, i thought about it. & i couldnt move away from this area if i tried. i cant imagine me trying to do yr 11 &12 anyother place, with any other people.
Little things.
Like seeing the girls walk in through the gates,
seeing sharyns dimples, sams hair, georginas smile. Each with the way they talk, their personalites.
Lunchtimes in tass's arms, or docks office, or running round, or sitting down, or in the artrooms or away in a dreamland. I Cant imagine that anywhere else.
I Cant Imagine Not having Any of This.
But he seems so determined now.
Though shes more settled now, with her kids & all. finally got a job she loves.
I Dont think shed let him move us all.
Not until the twins move out, and then it wont really matter will it.

Why do i think these things?

Why? when everythings so good & the things that arent are just emotions?

Why did i do that? Before, & why did i get scared.

It was what i wanted, i know it, at least i knew it.

& why did i let fear tell the last person id ever want knowing.

I wonder if they think about what almost happened as much as i do.

Do they wonder if it could happen again.

Are they as scared as me?

Who knows what anyone is capable of until it is finished.

Still she haunts me phantomwise, Alice moving under skies, Never Seen by Waking Eyes.

Alice

Yesterday made me sooo happy.

CarRide.

PortRiding The Town & Drowning In Jealous Stares.

(They wish they were as cool as us)

ICE bargainning georgina style

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

(ooh must be so funny)

{Well Yes It Happens To be Hillarious, To bad You Didnt Be Cool Enough To get In On The Joke. Bitchhhess}

Toilets

(im not even sittingg down yet! BAHAHA)

PancakeePlace

omnomnomnom.

HappyBirthdayToyou.Happy Birthday Dearrr Glennyyyyy.

Repeat xwhatstuitsyourfancy

:D

Ah.

Ah.

:)

Quotes.

What is a face, really?  Its own photo?  Its make-up?  Or is it a face as painted by such or such painter?  That which is in front?  Inside?  Behind?  And the rest?  Doesn't everyone look at himself in his own particular way?  Deformations simply do not exist.  ~Pablo Picasso
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.  ~T.S. Eliot
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.  ~William H. Mauldin


I Like Quotes Alot.
Now I Am Ever IncreasinglyTired, With A Verry Sore Throat. :(
Goodnight.
I Shall See You Beautiful Happy Morning in a few hours. 

Keeled On A Tile Floor

Today Was Very Nice While At School.

But Right Now I Feel Like Shit.

Bloated, Sore Throated. I Look Like A Wreck. My Daddy Said So Too, Just Not In As Nice A Words. Why Am I Such A Shit Daughter? I have It Soo Good. 

A Year After The Rest, Moments In The Past, Hours In The Future. Always Dreaming. UsuallyHappy. Is It Meant To Be Like This? Time Is Nothing But Manmade, Just Like The Rest. Tick.Tock.Tick.Tock. It Only Goes Because We Beleive In It. Time Can Stop. Time Can Fade Away. We Could Be Timeless, Imagine That. If Everyone Just Stopped Beleiving.

Work Tomorow.Should Be good, just thinking, yeah ill be paid for this.

Broke Materliastic Bitch.

Then Alice. I Hope Its Fanttastic.

Ill Probley Wake Up Tomorow.

Have Oats.

Head To Work.

Work.

Get Picked Up,& Then The Smiles Will Start Exploding.

One Can Spend Their Life Wishing.

Talking, Saying.

People May Not Beleive What You Say, But They Wil Beleive What You Do.

Is That Why No One Beleives Me?

..

Im All Talk, A Silly Little Wreck Of A Voice Chattering Away until Her Time Is Up.

BlackBras

Had a Beautiful Day today.
Red Onioning.
Having The Joint Best Legs In The school.
Dreaming of Alice Saturday Night.
Harajuku Photoshooting Monday.
Im Feeling Rather Largee.
I hate my whooshes. i wish i had them none.
Got Home.Ate, Did Art, Ate, Watched Some CharliesAngels, Some Fame, Ate, Did More Art, Packing For School, & Now Sitting In Bed In My Brickie Tshirt & Writing Up Bloggs :D
Im A Lazy Bitchh..
I Stole Another Vogue From School Today.
One Day I Will Have A Big Collection :)
Ooh Alice, i cannot wait. outfit is as such.
Black Patterned Stockings.
Black Legwarmers.
Brown LaceUp HighHeels.
Black Corset.
RedHair, Poofed Up With A Few Extensions Here & There.
PoofyBlack Skirt Under Corset.
Black Leather Jacket. 
red lips, brown over blue eyes, possibly red nails..mm.<3

Ooh I Want To Go Noww.
I Think i Shall Wake Up Early Tomorow.

Looking Like A 50s Girl.

Feeling Like a 60s.

Arting Like a 70s.

Dressing Like The 80s.

Born in the 90s.

Living In The Now.

I Can Smell Chemicals

Sitting on the bathroom floor with a baggy grey top, darker grey tights & black legwarmers, cradling a cup of lukewarm hot chocolate with a head full of dye.
A conversation got me thinking today...Is It Easier To Make Your Own Way, Carve Your Own Expectations Of Yourself For The First & Only Time, Or To Have Your Expectations Already There, & To Have To Fufill Them, Nomatter How High The Bar? ..I Dont Know.
Well..Thats My Repetetive thought for the day..Red Onion Tomorow. I Hope Georgina Bought Her Moneys Along. If All Goes According to plan i should be on a train this time tomorow. ChooChoo. :)
I Have toothpaste on my face and its all dry & crackly,  i shall wash it off when i wake up in a few hours...see if my many acnied face has faded slightly. I Really Hate Faults, Little Uglinesses Peeking Through someone who has potential to be perfect, staring&laughing at the person & screaming 'look at me, look at me' to all passers by.

In a Wonderland they lie,

Dreaming as the days go by,

Dreaming as the summers die: Lewis Carroll.

I Enjoy Him Alott. I need to enlarge my vocabulary, and stop my foul language.
& I Need To Sleep.

Tomorow I Shall Wake Up, have some UncleTobys Oats, 

Wash My Face, Do My Hair&Makeup.

Do The Clothes

Check The packings.

Hop On The Bus. 

Ah.

Oats

Im sitting in the middle of a pile of lovely clothes georgiina bought me along today. They really make me bubble. :) Ah i am soo tired, decided to didnt feel like Zen tonight, running round while im whooshing like the freaking niagra, doing the spilts & rolling with people. Bought some UncleTobys Oats, as sam&george rave about them. :) they are quitee the nice thing :D so far ive had two bowls.

I Feel Massive.

got that feeling of hunger i get with my whooshes and devoured half a block of chocolate, 6 peices of nougat, slice of quiche, parmesan cheese, 2 bowls oats, few spoons of some sticky coconut indian sweet thing, & about to have a caramel latte.

Finishing off my visual, presenting tomorow. :) that'll make me feel much better i hope.

I hope brendon doesnt make it to the leadership thing, because i want to snaffle up his position.

I got a fancy Chocochino thing to place on Dockrills shelf :) i hope it pleases him as much as it will me :)

OH! We now have a FANCY shop in kempsey. The shoetique&the boutique moved & made a FANCYSHOP and it looks like a corner of newtown landed in shitville kempsey, & It Made My Heart Glow, perhaps theres hope yet. 

I simply feel like sleeping.

Perhaps ill just do an hour tomorow, and sleep it off tonight.

SO EXCITED for Alice. :D

As soonn as i finish work they shall snatch me up &in a whisk of black&fanciness, possibly red hair & heels, we shall turn into creatures of wonderland & make Earth So Darn Jealous. Im So HappyHappyHappy.

Will Write More Later.

Ive So Much In My Mind Tonight..

SugarPills,WhiteWeek

My Light is Buzzing Like Crazy & Driving me Mad. Time For A BodyBitch.

<here was inserted a massive bitch about my body & everything i found imperfect, massive rant about everything in the physical aspect, i wrote, i sighed.i highlighted & deleted & will replace with this, because, truley. i complain too much>

Dont Get Me Wrong. Life Is Beautiful.
Just Not Me, not Yet. :)

~~~~
Ah Dear Modcloth, Dear Fredflare, Dear Vogue, Its A Dreaming  MaterialisticCakeFace Here, && I Just Thought Id Let You Know I Adore You.
~~~~

why is it somepeople find it so fascinating putting barbies in sexual positions and taking photos of it? im mean, sure we've all done it, but theres just so many of you out there taking photos of the girls at it, and their not even pretty photos, if your going to bother putting them on show on the internet, at least make them pretty. i feel like facepalming the lot of you.

I Adore Baggy Black Clothing. I Think I Will Collect It All. <3

Making whitechocolate raspberry muffins tomorow. OmNomNom. not so good for the waist line, but ill burn it off :) Burn Baby Burn :D
Im so sick of that light, i simply switched it off, so now im sitting here in the dark.
Ooh. :) My Toes Are Cold.

Think ill go grab a caramel latte or a soyhotchocolate...then head to bed. I Wish  I Had Massive Hair.

It Was A Beautiful Day

Today Was So So So Lovely. I Think All Days Should Be Such A This One.

Just Sitting here with a caramel latte, i had a little fancy nouget for dinner. i think i shall have some more.

Slips and pulls the table cloth

Overturns a coffee-cup,

Reorganized upon the floor

She yawns and draws a stocking up;

-Sweeney Among The Nightingales, T.S Elliot

Conversations On A Legends Floors With Overflowing cups full of Milo&Coffee & Owned Fancy Milk  , Lovely art lessons & The English Staffroom. I Cant wait to do my artwork now.:) I Will make everyone beautiful&perfect&Coffee stained &inksplattered&sketched&painted&Absolute. These things make me a happy girl. 

McCaulay Talked With me & Georgina Today. I Quite Liked That Conversation.

We Are Not Simply Put On This World To Reproduce. Fuck Year8 P.E Cartoons.

TS Elliot, Tickles My Fancy So Much My Heart Spasms. Truley, I Marry That Man Every Second I Read His Poetry. Hm, Think I Shall Go Watch Charlies Angels, Have another latte perhaps, then ride my bike for 30, then have a shower. Possibly write up some stuff for english  or drama, My Visual or play Ideas. But for now. :) I shall bask in loveliness&In the happiness tomorow will Bring.

Adoration&Kisses To All. :)

<3

ClearSkies.SaltedRain.

As One Part Shrinks, Another Grows.

& When Such a part blows as dust in a passing breeze, inspiration is caught like a butterfly in the net of your mind. Make of it what you will.

For The wheels will spin for a set time, and then you will learn to fly.

I Think each of us are learning to fly in all our very different ways. But everynow & then, you can see when their feet lift. :) & it helps lift us all. :)
Today Was Lovely.
Had hothotmilo with Georgina in our safe little sanctuary, and chatted. Thats the most meaningful&memorable time i have had in months, possibly a year. I dont know if that means much, though to me it does. :)
I hope we can all see Alice on the weekend. That would be  a perfect end&start to a perfect week&another. :)
For when the wind blows over a stem, i see a backbone. If I Was rich, i would pay for a transformation. instead of being a caterpillar, i would morph into a doll. <3
I like my art these days. I Love coffee stains, both metaphorically & literally. For they both brighten my world up in more than one sense. they make things beautiful.
I have a new obsession with black clothes, with slight patterns as such. Big Baggy Black Shirts as dresses with beautiful tights, lovely shoes, massive hair, perfect makeup & the perfect accesories. White loose singlets & cardigans are acceptable also. I Adore All These.

Please good fortune, path my way.
I have a meeting with Ts Elliot & those i love tomorow afternoon, then i will travel home with my mum in our white van with the red stripe, & come home to an eager to be finished English visual which i will try very hard on.

There Are Four Girls In My World Which I Think Will Be Subjected To Having Me In Their Life A Very Very Long Time.

I Dont Fit

The World Wants Me Perfect, & Nothing Less.

Got An Idea for My Visual, started working on it today, Rode for an hour today, read Heart of Darkness today. Went to the markets, went to church. i felt happyish at the markets, many people said i looked lovely&gorgeous. That made me smile. I adore this picture, have drawn a few, i like this style. Is very pretty. i think i shall bookmark The great world with a beautiful bookmark..see if i can find $3 so i can go coffee hunting with Georgina :) pack my books&bag for school tomorow like a goodkid, Iron my schoolshirt&place it all ready. Wake Up tomorow, ride, have breakky, ride. Shower. Brushteeth, Do Hair, Do Makeup, Get it all set. Grab ipod, grab book&bag & walk one foot in front of the other onto the jailtruck, sending me into green iron bars, where somethings are nice, but most are not. I Can see a chocolate pie crust on my table and it makes me sad. I know where that pie is now. Flood&Dissapear. I Wish i had really big FAT poofyhair, & a teenytiny stickfigure. 

 i wish i was a camel so when i spat it wouldn't matter and being ugly would be part of who i am

i wish that i was a ghost
a god damn hypocrite host
to party all the life time thats right here .

The World Wants Me Perfect & Will Not Accept Anything A GoldBarBeneath.

Today

Woke Up 10 to 9.

Had Breakfast-Grapes.

Read The Paper.

Got Dressed

Put The Washing Out.

Lipton Vanilla Tea.

& Now Im Writing This.

Markets.

Church.

Morning Tea at Church- Tea Or Coffee

Come Home. Ride Bike For 10.

Lunch. Grapes, Nectarine,Peach. Whichever.

Clean Up After Lunch.

Ride Bike For 10.

Read Heart Of Darkness.

Ride Anytime You Get Tired Of Reading.

Or Ride While Reading.

The Great World Perhaps.

20 Minutes Free If Your Good.

Back To Reading.

Maths Otherwise.

Dinner.

Clean, WashUp, Sweep Floors Etc.

Ride For 10.

Shower.

Read/Maths/Challenges

Supper When Dad Finishes- Vanilla Tea.

Read,

Facebook,Blog Etc.

Sleep.

Lets All Hope That Works Out. :)

ChocolatePie

Work Was Pretty Shit Today, the time went so slow.

I Feel like a massive ugly greaseball, i think a nice shower sounds should fix half that & the shower itself the other. I cook alot these days...even though theres less of us.

Hard to beleive. 5 Of us, and dads never around, so its 4 with the extreme occasional extra. Mr McCaulay asked if that bothered me, dad never being around. I didnt know how to answer him as i dont know myself.. 

I particularly disklike it when a particular lady tries to do the deep&meaningful thing with me...things arent so bad, please dont talk to me. Though shes a really nice being otherwise.

Fell Asleep twice today, travelling back &to from work. tried to read Heart of Darkness, and woke up dribbling on it. :( I look so fugly asleep. Today didnt go so well i guess.

Tomorow the markets are on, so being an 'appleton' i'll have to make an appearance.

Tomorow Church is on, so being an 'appleton' i'll have to attend.

Tomorow i have to read 2 massive novels and being an 'Appleton' i'll be expected to read them easily&write reveiws on them easily & score 100%

Tomorow.& The Day After. & After That Too. Forever, Untill I leave here, and no one even knows who the Appletons are. No ones heard of this tiny devo hole called kempsey filled with small minded dickheads&airheads, with a tiny amount of people, hoping to escape just as much as i do.

I Can Smell Ants, & Its Making Me Sick.

ahwell, I could do with a cake full of sleeping pills, that simply slides by & leaves no trace but a lightly breathing large girl, lying on a sunflower bed, dreaming of better times in a nicer place.

Soiiy

I Wish I Could Paint Like That. I really do.:)

Ah, Just sitting here feeling so full, having a SoyHotChocolate (my new addictions) & wishing i didnt have to go to work tomorow. im so tired. >.< Went Shopping All Day Today, my legs are killing me. {why am i so soree?}  Got so much stuff today..Gosh.

-Vest-Loose Black DressyShirt-Tight Black Shirt-pink jacket-hiking boots-rainbow thermal-so many wool socks-material for textiles-salad wrap-soyhotchocolates-coraline-rockyhorror-grey warm jumper thing-red hair dye-black stockings-white hiking jacket-boostbar :D-red travel coffee mug

I Can feel everything squishing in my stomach. But There it shall stay. Ah..listening to Paul Simon.

'you dont feel you could love me, but i feel you could'

'Believing I had supernatural powers I slammed into a brick wall'

I Should start work on my textiles soon...i need to design it chronically but.Hm. School On Monday. Making dinner Monday night, ext tuesday arvi, zen wednesday arvi, thursday i beleive im cooking again..friday i might breathe again. I Live To Far out Of Town.

                            

Cleaning

Just (Sort Of) Finished Cleaning The Room.
Going shopping tomorow.
trying to convince mum to let me accompany her the whole day, instead of just lunch&arfternoon..Hmm.
That would be nice.:)
Got To Get
-Camping Stuff
-Textiles Material
-Boots
-A Jacket
-Hopefully A Few Fancy Shirts &Such.
-HairDye
-Etc,Etc.

Ah, moneymoneymoney. How I Wish I Rolled In it. For it is far more pleasing to the eye & soul then Fickle little love.  Personaly id rather have JimmyChoos then A Measly Kiss. :)
Went for a run thisafternoon, almost trod on a snake, got shitscared & ran even faster tripping through head high grass. GoodddLord. So Scared. Big & Black With Golden Speckled All Over Its Massive Body. Sheesh.
I Had A Beautiful Day At School Today. Apart From the scenery, (with the exception of the fancy area me &georgina went too). Got a caramel Latte & a hot chocolate from the red onion cafe, i happen to lvoe that place very much so, even if they take a while. Lining up with our little black paper cups with georgina filled with beautiful liquid is one of those memories i file :)

ah.

WrittenOnABus

Well im typing this up in the car on the way home from Avondale…Left early thismorning, and slept till we got to koolongalook, or however you spell it.

Balancing a caramel latte at the moment, reading Paint It Black, I really like it. J

Might actually have to go to school tomorrow….the thoughts not tickling my fancy in the slightest, though I know I should. I wonder how ext.english went..hope it was fun, but also hoep I didn’t miss out on anything. I probley have a whole heap to catch up

 on already. Going to sarahs tomorrow arvi hoepfullyt…..havnt asked her yet, but I will when I get home & post this up & such. I wish I had internet wherever I go.

Do you know how crushingly depressing it is to have to leave people that don’t want to leave in the first place somewhere far away, when all you want to do is get away & you’re the one caged back, but society and by what it seemed proper.

I really should start reading the great world more, but I cant put paint it black down. I hope georginas liking the Gargoyle. I love that book. J

I don’t think I will come to school Friday if I can get away with it, or Thursday, depending what day mum is going shopping. I will accompany her.

Well…..when I get home tonight, its just me now. Me & the twins, and two working parents. Im.The.Eldest, filling the shoes, doing the expected at 110%, being mature and responsible, feeding everyone, cleaning everything.

At Least that’s how things should be.

I Will Try to make them believe that could be me.

Bored again so I thought id add onto this. Just leaving tareee, had half a subway with my mummy,  got a refill on the coffee, which turned out to be hot chocolate but im not complaining. Threw hot water ll over some old guys car and screamed sorry through his window. He looked suitably scared. It was an accident I swear. J elvis is bobbing away in my backwindow, he attracted many a middle aged man. Im feeling dully simpley joyful for no apparent reason. Just sitting here, sipping out of a 2^nd hand coffee cup, in a flowery skirt & yellow shirt, thinking about shoes, and organising music into playlists. Oh gaga, you make my life meaningless beats. I thank you for it.

Binge In Style.

Oh For The City Light. For That Is Where I Become Real.

Decided last night not to go to school today, and carried that plan through. Wont be there tomorow either, cant make Ext.English. Pity, i actually enjoy that. Today Was One Great Binge. Its All I Do These Days. 

I miss my friends. my real friends. the ones that walk & talk & laugh with me. 

I hope i havnt stuffed things up so bad.

I texted Georgina today, i wonder if it went through, because she never replied. Or Perhaps she has no credit.

What is happening here? 

I'm a one life, hopeless dirty animal baby
And I bow down to my feeble brain
Aberrated, primitive
Stay with me, stay with me

I want things the way they never were. a nice happy family, a nice happy school, acceptence, perfect.No raising the bars or jumping & missing in an attempt to pull them down. A happy world of rich grass greens & sunburst orange, sky filled with tattoo style birds, with skyscrapers dancing in the purple skies. always sunrise or sunset...always got a soundtrack playing in the breeze..


Hope Shannon can come up next weekend after i finish my shifts, & we'll do eachothers hair & dream about another time & another place.


Divorcee by 23 is playing in the background..Hm. 'Yes, you are pretty, but you are not fine'
Hm Well...Think i Shall Go Finish off That Apple&CherryPie I Made for the masses.


I have so much work to do. :( & i never get it right. never make anyone proud with my pathetic excuse for it.
Lets go eat & fill that gap. I complain too much. :'(

Ouch.Ouch.Ouch.

I Dont Understand, But I Will Accept.

I Cant Help But Feel Hate, It Should Have Been Me.
It.Should.Have.Been.Me.
But Im Still Here. Still Waiting.EachDay.
TickFuckingTock. :'(

I Just Want To Yell&Scream At everyone who even mentions the 'shoes i have to fill' & laugh at me sitting on the ground with my Disney tissues & Pink fluffyhat perched over my ears. How they laugh. I Just want to run straight away from every same stupid caged classroom filled with even the slightest whisper of me, the slight glance. 'Oh yea, shes the smart kid,' mimicking, laughing, 
I hateyouihateyouihateyou. 

I wont raise my hand anymore. 
You Can Answer your Own Questions.
Just Like Im trying To Answer The Worlds.

Life Is Such A Metaphorical Bulimia.
Always Got Your Fingers Down Your Throat Trying To Bring Up Perfection.An Endless Surge Of Binge&Purge. You Just Never Realise Your Always Facing Down.

There was once 5 Little Bears. Mummy&Daddy Bear Also. They had Special Mummy&Baby Bear Days& Special Daddy&Baby Bear Days For The first two Of Their Children. The 3rd Waited For Hers Eagerly. Then Mumy&Daddy Bear Found out They Were Having twins. There wasnt anytime for middle baby bear anymore. It Was Only The LittleOnes, and the middlebear didnt understand. They carried her off & put her in a whitecoat where bigger people ran around bustling in bigger whitecoats. So MiddleBabyBear Sat far from the crowded hospital bed where her little sisters bears lay surrounded by everyone, and simply sat on the floor waiting for her Special Day.
But the days turned into Baby Sister days. And Older Siblings Days. Dragged Thisplace, staying with someone else for a while. "mummy will come home soon, shes just going to the hospital for a while' 'your big sisters staying with nana for a while, we'll be back in a few days' 'just stay here with your auntie' 'your baby sisters are going to die'. But They Didnt & Middle Bear Grew Up while mummy&daddybear fretted over the young ones. Nothing special was formed. Simply Sharing The Same Blood.


SpecialDay.SpecialDay.Im Still Waiting For That Special Day. 


I Dont Understand, But I Will Accept.
{maybe she's so used to making everything perfect, the second she makes something that looks like one of ours, shes dissapointed}
{well, yea, shes the largest in our group of friends}
{always asking me if he likes her, always him. him.him.him. of course he does, shes so anoying}
{comfort sex, im going to act all depressed like now too}
{listen to her 'its called a crepe' smarrrrt kid, reading a book & all}
{i wish shed just leave already}
{she never does anything round here, just sits on her fat ass all day}
{your such a whale}
{pack of absentminded, class clowns, village idiots lazy fucks}
{i guess you must just be a boring person}


Ouch :l ouch :( Ouch :'(

Sun Rays Through Rainbow Sheen.

Well Its Friday Morning, & Ive Been Up For the past 45 Minutes. Suns Rising Now & Ive Got My Apple &Soy Mocha & Everythings so quiet. The fridge Is Humming. :) Everyone else should get up in 15 minutes or so..

School again today.

Adv.Maths.

Adv.English.

Art.

Textiles&Design.

I really should see about changing down to general maths wise, but ill try & stick it out for as long as i can with the intelligent people :) 

Something Really Nice Happened Yesterday Afternoon. First Time Since I Met You, you began something.

I Often wonder if theres anything wrong with me or is everyother individual thinking the same thing. most probably. but i cant help but wonder. who can.

Well...last 10 minutes to myself.

Sorry I Havtn blogged in a while.

Been So Tired I Come home, make dinner, clean & sleep.

But I Will try & fix that.

Off to the verandah to watch the sun peep over & start the day.

Hope its beautiful for you all.

<3

Vacate My Bathroom Please.

There is a man in my bathroom and i want him out so i can condition my hair. :( Its Dying.


{like you perhaps?}


I read a book today. & I Read You. You ran from the pages, through my mind, through trees, through memories and I Cant bare that Ending. Please Get Better. Im Scared.We're Scared.


Creative Arts Soon :D Well, In A Few Weeks, But Still. Hopefully Working All Saturdays Now, and trying to scab moneys each day, and save it, so perhaps i will not be so broke By The Time I See Paddys Through A Bus Window.
We Shall Sip Champagne & Fanciness In Our Bathtubs, Buying Fancy SmokeSticks & Living The High Life. yes Baby, Were High Matinance. :) 
I Need to Iron My School Shirt, and Find Another To Wear Underneath. & try & Wake Up Early.
MissDegree Degree.
I Often Wonder, What is so addictive about facebook? I Never can put a finger on it.


Why Are We So Relatively Small, with the life span of less then a butterfly put it the scheme of things, so minute, so puny little children, Yet we treat & love those around us like a world?
 We are but a fingerprint on a shell as the tide rolls in. 




Ok Not Funny. Will he Get Out Of The Shower Already??? My Hair Is Dehydrating Here!!!