RedLipped RedHaired Red Nailed Whore

Some boy told me earlier

'Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy: theyre the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

How can someone be so lucky, so happy & still think the things that run through my mind?
How could someone ever be so ungrateful.
But that works both ways you look at it.
Theyre talking of moving again, he always does, but he never leaves..usually because i kick up a fuss, saying how im attatched here, i cant go, school, friends, work.
But there was a few months inbetween, i would have packed left & never turned back for a second glance, so why didnt i?
Im not sure.
But when he started again today, i thought about it. & i couldnt move away from this area if i tried. i cant imagine me trying to do yr 11 &12 anyother place, with any other people.
Little things.
Like seeing the girls walk in through the gates,
seeing sharyns dimples, sams hair, georginas smile. Each with the way they talk, their personalites.
Lunchtimes in tass's arms, or docks office, or running round, or sitting down, or in the artrooms or away in a dreamland. I Cant imagine that anywhere else.
I Cant Imagine Not having Any of This.
But he seems so determined now.
Though shes more settled now, with her kids & all. finally got a job she loves.
I Dont think shed let him move us all.
Not until the twins move out, and then it wont really matter will it.

Why do i think these things?

Why? when everythings so good & the things that arent are just emotions?

Why did i do that? Before, & why did i get scared.

It was what i wanted, i know it, at least i knew it.

& why did i let fear tell the last person id ever want knowing.

I wonder if they think about what almost happened as much as i do.

Do they wonder if it could happen again.

Are they as scared as me?

Who knows what anyone is capable of until it is finished.

Still she haunts me phantomwise, Alice moving under skies, Never Seen by Waking Eyes.